Sometimes all I want is to be left alone.

Busy, busy, busy month May was. So busy that if I could recount it, I would but it was a complete blur. In my last blog post I discussed my mom and I and how we are coping with the changes that are about to come. As much as I’d love to say that my mom’s stress has decreased, it hasn’t. She still leaves me long ass voicemails detailing what she has to do at a different time in the day, she still lashes out when I even mention the word “moving”, like it’s taboo or something.
In recent days (or weeks, I guess) I have felt sort of, overwhelmed by everything. Half of me is excited for life to begin, to see what life post-high school is really like. I can’t wait to be free, to grow and learn and live. I can’t wait for the new people I have yet to meet and the new places I have yet to see. On the flip side, I’m also a tad scared. Will I be good enough? Will I succeed in life? How am I going to do this? That? When I have these bouts of mixed emotions, all I want to do is be left alone. To do so, I shut my bedroom door, turn on my TV, put my headphones in, blast some Gaga, open my laptop and begin to type. I don’t know what I’m typing, if I’m going to use it for anything or not, but all I want to do is write. It is my peace and serenity amidst the chaos I call life. Then I begin to answer the question: What is success? How do I define it?
This is the best answer I can come up with so bear with me. Success is you. Success is you being happy with yourself. Forget about all the things you don’t have. Success is having confidence in yourself. If you look at yourself in the mirror and you think, “I’ve made it this far, too far in to turn back now”, then you’ve obviously done something right. Success is giving your all and getting everything back. The bottom line is this: No matter what you’re going through, it will pass. You have so much to live for and strive for. Sometimes we get scared when we think of the future and what it will bring. Sometimes we have to stop thinking and we have to start believing. Believing in ourselves, in our dreams, and most of all, believing that it will all be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

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